Gary was my mother's companion for the past 12 years. She had come to depend on him for simple things like running to the store to pick up some bread, or making sure the oil in the car was changed. He died a week and a half ago and left a gaping hole in our household. On top of that, our car broke down the day after and left us with a nagging sensation of despair. Usually when someone passes away, I remember my relationship with them and feel gratitude for the times we shared. Gary was no exception. Each person I have known to pass away leaves behind an impression of what their whole lives encompassed. Gary struggled throughout his entire life and it seemed like he could never catch a break.
The break he did catch, however, is that he met my mother and they developed a supportive relationship. My brother and I grew close to him and I came to depend on him to help me in times of need, like when he bailed me out of jail, or picked me up in the middle of the night when I had no other way. The impression that Gary has left behind expresses how we may find love in this world, even if the struggle seems so vast, even if our experiences are not very kind. I often wished he would get to be on a television game show because he loved watching them so much. He also loved to sing and always dreamed of being in a talent show like American Idol. Reasonable dreams, since people actually do those things.
So here we are, struggling to figure out how to handle everything from funeral arrangements to contacting his estranged family members. For a while we were the only family he felt he needed, but he had started reaching out to folks near the end. He scrapped through life until the very end and his face was etched with the lines from years of hard labor. He was fiercely loyal and someone you could count on in a fix. The impression he leaves behind is one that maps out the strength we gain through our struggles. He also reminds us to press on even when it seems like everything is falling apart and hopeless. Much like this time. I am not sure how it will all work out, but I do know that Gary's impression will last much longer than his suffering. Even from beyond, he sings, and I sincerely hope that his song is forever joyful.
